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治疗师的“空”与共情
文/蔡丽丽
巽山上有一寺庙，门上有一对联：“青山本无情，为雪白头；绿水本无忧，为风皱面。”拿来形容治疗师的“空”与共情真是再贴切不过了。
治疗师的“空”，像一座屹立的山峰一样岿然无情，像一汪平静的湖水一样空灵无忧，即治疗师不能带有个人色彩，不能为了标榜自己的智慧而给来访者过多的理论与建议。类似于老子所说的“天地不仁，以万物为刍狗”。即万物各有天命，天地不会为了彰显自己的仁厚而干预天命。来访者也各有天命，治疗师无法干预引导其天命。
同时，治疗师又要具有大爱情怀，共情精神。因此，要像湖面一样，照见另一个灵魂的七情六欲，并与之同悲同喜。治疗师，要像湖水一样细腻，来访者任何情绪的风吹过，都能在他的湖面留下涟漪，这就是治疗师的共情。治疗师要捕捉到这些情绪，并将之以具象的“涟漪”呈现，也即林老师说的放大来访者的意识，标记来访者的意识，让来访者自己悟到事情的真相。
然后，治疗师不会惦记着来访者，就像白雪会在青山上融化，青山依旧是青山；就像风过水恢复无痕，绿水依旧是绿水，也就是治疗师要及时将来访者带给他的情绪清零。这即是一种大慈悲和大超然：来时，全然爱之；走时，超然忘之。因为来访者就像天地中的风和雪，自有方向和天命。
那么来访者怎么办呢？在咨询过程中，来访者大都会有移情产生，总是希望“你是风儿我是沙，缠缠绵绵到天涯”。来访者该如何处理自己的这种情绪呢？中国的古诗词早有答案：
花褪残红青杏小，燕子飞时，绿水人家绕。
枝上柳绵吹又少，天涯何处无芳草！
墙里秋千墙外道，墙外行人，墙里佳人笑。
笑渐不闻声渐悄，多情却被无情恼。
这首词多少带有一些哀怨，也许下面这首英语诗会更豁达和感恩一些：
有的人从我们生命中走过，走过就走过了。
有的人从我们生命中走过，却留下了足迹；
他们让我们学会了梦想，信心，歌唱，爱和付出。
从那以后，我们的生命就改变了。
Some people come into our lives
and leave footprints on our hearts
and we are never ever the same.
Some people come into our lives
and quickly go... Some stay for awhile
and embrace our silent dreams.
They help us become aware
of the delicate winds of hope...
and we discover within every human spirit
there are wings yearning to fly.
They help our hearts to see that
the only stairway to the stars
is woven with dreams...
and we find ourselves
unafraid to reach high.
They celebrate the true essence
of who we are...
and have faith in all
that we may become.
Some people awaken us
to new and deeper realizations...
for we gain insight
from the passing whisper of their wisdom
Throughout our lives we are sent
precious souls...
meant to share our journey
however brief or lasting their stay
they remind us why we are here.
To learn... to teach... to nurture... to love
Some people come into our lives
to cast a steady light
upon our path and guide our every step
their shining belief in us
helps us to believe in ourselves.
Some people come into our
lives to teach us about love...
The love that rests within ourselves.
Let us reach out to others
and feel the bliss of giving
for love is far richer in action
than it ever is in words.
Some people come into our lives
and they move our souls to sing
and make our spirits dance.
They help us to see that everything on earth
is part of the incredibility of life...
and that it is always there
for us to take of its joy.
Some people come into our lives
and leave footprints on our hearts
and we are never ever the same.
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